Captured

I adore your new life-crutch.
Such a shame it will be ground
into dust, too bad for us all.
My mood ring is going disco
as I sift through the slideshow,
jogging my memory
toward the flood of light,
hoping to find some truth
in the idea that maybe
you weren't all that bad.

Oh baby you were cool—
the way you wanted it.
Darling you were sweet—
in patches, and like a peach
there were bruises all over.
My queen you were kind—
when your curiosity slept,
or when you had the grace
to accept what was already lost.

Lighthouse of an old life,
every day that has dragged
me backward puts you
farther and farther away.
I feel close to myself,
aware of the angle
of my projection.
Whatever you were,
you had me—
and for that capture
I must take the blame.

I am free to be miserly
and miserable at my tempo.
It may take a while
to reach another shore.
I smother the flutters
in my stomach and beat
still my beating heart.
Whatever you did,
thank you—
and don't worry I'll fix it.