It's all good and not enough

Look, none of us asked to be shafted this way.

Wanna know why the minnow bucket looks so alive? They're all trying to forget how to swim, and I've got nothing for 'em except a head full of bigger fish to fry.

Silly lil' fish, you are so funny, why can't you just die?

Look. Maybe I'm not so smart or strong. Maybe playing pretend was all I picked up on. Maybe.

I am in a bad way, coming off 22-jump already street, hesitating before traffic, feeling something cold in my stare that condenses my inner fluff.

Look, as I said, it's all good but I have had enough of this grind, enough grinning and bearing, it’s become a chore to chew by now, and this mounting burden of knowledge is crushing me. My verses come up short on breath. The birds gather to split the bread.

So many smiles take their turn to pull me out of the wreck... perfumes push me away from the edge, that look in the eye, that momentary salute, that call to arms of embrace that shakes me, the twinkling voices that wake me. The slope is more pronounced each day. I mope for lack of trustworthy hope.

Look— I do not entrust these thoughts to you. I am hoping quite openly that these thoughts die

by allowing them to live forever and ever.

Have you ever asked for mercy? really asked? Look I had a vision of myself by now as being this appropriately frustrated, as being this appropriately appropriated, as being used and screwed, as being the fool, as being so hopelessly behind, as being more than a probable statistic, as being more than all that I am. But this— this was not what I ordered.

God, how I am continuing.

My images have conspired in vain.
I am drunk with the absinthe of absence. I am screaming at my insides to give it up. My insides want so bad to stir it up. I think I might die very lonely. I think there is that something which emboldens me to search a while longer, but do I know it already?

What is this fine line I'm walking to get at the point? What is this here that defeats my purpose? What is this fear?