keep one eye open

Fringe is scattered on my tearing floor,
aluminum is everywhere and numbness is growing.
gravity can hardly keep me down
and as soon as this night ends
this night can begin.

The sun should be coming soon.
will you along with it?

I have covered you in the colors
of the day I met you;
played the song that doesn't really count.
the light was just enough.

Thoughts don't come to me I go to them.
the back of my head doesn't exist at this time,
thoughts are all swirling
and they come and they go and linger
and then I realize (though it's hard to see)
that you're always there.

It's funny
because you were halfway convinced
and I (or someone who looks like me) was afraid
but 8 months later
the rain didn't matter.

A fog surrounds the room
and it rains in autumn
(it rains in autumn)
and your makeup gets washed away;
so perfectly stained.

I’m about to fall down the stairs
because my legs are shaky
and you keep telling me it’s nothing
and I’m sick of apologizing
but I really mean it when I say
that I'm bad at this and I will never
EVER believe you when you say otherwise.
at least call me brave for ever opening my mouth?

It's the most wonderful time of the night
I should really fall
(asleep) but what can I expect from
being up this late.
the dark peers into my room & I won't let it in,
it feels like you might be here
and it's 11:11
and my clocks are off.

I look for you constantly
(and think about you even more)
but the back of my head doesn't even care enough
about the rest of my body
and my strained, dilated eyes.
my glasses make this harder.

This is a great time for a break. I want to BREAK
— you've kept me waiting.
it's late and I can't feel
my toes that I can't stop scratching
my fingers that can never be still
my glasses. are. off.

I keep peeking an eye open
as you sleep and you're cheating
because you can see me.
and that makes me smile
so I'm okay with it.

I'm constantly pressing M- and still am,
while my veteran body wants my eyes to close
and the rest of me wants them to open, so wide
and see everything in front of me
but no one wants to hear about what's in front of me
(not even I do).

you keep saying something about denying the world

and I'm too tired to remember but I guess I agree

but that doesn't mean I don't hate what I do to myself

and to the world.

is that vague.

I'm preparing myself for the final trial,
which is wrong
but it's fair
which is right,
waiting for the cataclysm that will bring
me, us, this, to a new plane of
complete life.

Are you still fixing the kaleb?
sorry the back of my head doesn't exist,
for right now,
but is it okay to be happy,
for right now.
the crooked seems straight
and what's right feels weird
and it's JUST ME
COME ON AND KICK ME.

On Christmas day I passed small children;
felt the wondrous joy that they shared with their parents,
and you know (I know) what I thought.
I relive you.

My mom could walk upstairs any second
and I'd point to my door
and ask her to read the fine print.
please understand that I like the fact that
my thoughts and your dream of green and red
has become us and my catching of the clock.

i used to be a very hopeful girl.
now i'm just a lucky boy.
but we cross bridges only when we come to them,
we value what we have,
and we already know all of this.

Let's just write this one off,
a violent stomachache.
Supplement ourselves with vitamins
every single day.

You gave me pieces of paper.
I gave you pieces of my heart.
How, then, did we proceed.

Well there I go.
the answer is somewhere in the back of my head.