This is a piece I wrote almost exactly one year ago. After writing it, I decided that from now on, I would write a very specific poem at the end of every year as a reflection. This was my 2008:
(january)
In the beginning the snow felland the sun shined,
the bags had evaporated from underneath our eyes
and all I could do was do what I was told.
I reached that fake milestone
the one no cares about. I’m not even sure if I did.
A time to celebrate alone.
(february)
Happy fucking birthday, dear.
My tongue started to bleed
and a smudge of ink started to appear below my pinky—
Only the paper paid dearly as I wrote
that this is the beggining of the end.
The winter went but I decided to stay.
Happy fucking birthday, dear.
My tongue started to bleed
and a smudge of ink started to appear below my pinky—
Only the paper paid dearly as I wrote
that this is the beggining of the end.
The winter went but I decided to stay.
(march)
I could feel no pain,
And I rarely decided to wake up,
I stared- until a beeping went off in my head,
the same beeping that woke me up in the morning
for no reason at all.
if you had listened close enough, you could have heard it, too.
I could feel no pain,
And I rarely decided to wake up,
I stared- until a beeping went off in my head,
the same beeping that woke me up in the morning
for no reason at all.
if you had listened close enough, you could have heard it, too.
(april)
It wasn’t a nightmare because it wasn’t a dream.
It all just happened while I slept
we haven’t wept (yet).
It was hard to smile
because it was hard to breathe,
I only did what I thought I should
And one time I stopped to drop
and hold you close.
It wasn’t a nightmare because it wasn’t a dream.
It all just happened while I slept
we haven’t wept (yet).
It was hard to smile
because it was hard to breathe,
I only did what I thought I should
And one time I stopped to drop
and hold you close.
(may)
I clawed my way back up the face of the earth
to look it into the eyes
and see the sun come up.
The night fell and you sat on my curb.
There were so many stars in your eyes
and I wasn’t one of them.
I was only the rain.
I clawed my way back up the face of the earth
to look it into the eyes
and see the sun come up.
The night fell and you sat on my curb.
There were so many stars in your eyes
and I wasn’t one of them.
I was only the rain.
(june)
I drank the sweetest drink
wondering what else I could have done,
but the leash was gone and all I could do
was miss it.
It was hot but it rained
on The Worst Day
and then I began to wonder—
I drank the sweetest drink
wondering what else I could have done,
but the leash was gone and all I could do
was miss it.
It was hot but it rained
on The Worst Day
and then I began to wonder—
(july)
but then I began to leave.
never a late night and never a late morning,
hardly a late goodnight.
Some nights I could hardly stand
so I sat outside and pushed off the mountain
gazing at the stars and the lights
that could have been your eyes.
my father was my only friend.
but then I began to leave.
never a late night and never a late morning,
hardly a late goodnight.
Some nights I could hardly stand
so I sat outside and pushed off the mountain
gazing at the stars and the lights
that could have been your eyes.
my father was my only friend.
(august)
sleep is nice, but naps were better.
my stomach was sick just like me,
I was bitter and nervous and excited and sick
I had to make myself laugh
I decided to inject myself with my own blood
and let my veins freeze
so I could move past me and you and enter the world.
sleep is nice, but naps were better.
my stomach was sick just like me,
I was bitter and nervous and excited and sick
I had to make myself laugh
I decided to inject myself with my own blood
and let my veins freeze
so I could move past me and you and enter the world.
(september)
the beeping started again
but the sun was shining
and I had leveled up.
I gave nothing and I took little.
Conserving myself.
The only thing I flirted with
was quicksand.
the beeping started again
but the sun was shining
and I had leveled up.
I gave nothing and I took little.
Conserving myself.
The only thing I flirted with
was quicksand.
(october)
I really needed a haircut.
I could’ve sworn I was losing you
on the inside,
I started to trust all of you but
I stayed home when I should have
gone door to door to find enough skittles
for you and I.
I really needed a haircut.
I could’ve sworn I was losing you
on the inside,
I started to trust all of you but
I stayed home when I should have
gone door to door to find enough skittles
for you and I.
(november)
The line was drawn on the ice,
but ice can always melt.
I put on my lifejacket.
We weren’t standing blindfolded
but neither of us could choose.
Eventually I had to draw my curtains,
You turned on the light
and I gave thanks that you
will always be my best friend.
The line was drawn on the ice,
but ice can always melt.
I put on my lifejacket.
We weren’t standing blindfolded
but neither of us could choose.
Eventually I had to draw my curtains,
You turned on the light
and I gave thanks that you
will always be my best friend.
(december)
The snow started to fall again
and we needed to keep warm.
It was getting hard to breathe,
So I jumped across the gulch
that I had looked down for almost seven years.
you unlocked the bathroom door and
a little blonde boy, who was crying,
dashed out. he will be back,
but I just grew.
The snow started to fall again
and we needed to keep warm.
It was getting hard to breathe,
So I jumped across the gulch
that I had looked down for almost seven years.
you unlocked the bathroom door and
a little blonde boy, who was crying,
dashed out. he will be back,
but I just grew.
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