Friday, January 1, 2010

2009 (all that can't break)

(january)
The best year so far of my newfound life
began with secret kisses, behind the vending machine,
in the veil of the snow, in the light of the sun.
I only wish I would have known we’d grow so close,
but we fell into this teenage trap,
and I would never take it back.

(february)
Happy 17th birthday, my sweet love.
I gazed into your diamond necklace
as I picked up my clothes from the floor.
I was so young, I was at zero, and we went to sixty,
How was I supposed to know
that your skin would melt all the snow?

(march)
I would have broken all my English, if it would have made you stay.
This was worth standing still for, worth running to,
worth fighting for, worth crying for.
You healed me, gave me reasons never to forget,
and I could feel my heart getting better;
I knew that Ours would be Forever.

(april)
Did you know that I felt fear? No one had ever been this close,
and every so often I failed to feel what I had felt when I was far.
My father knew me when I was four, and now I’m swinging out on his porch,
thinking about all that I owe to you and all I would never let go of,
but the summer was falling from above.

(may)
The fresh cut flowers filled my lungs; to stay alive, I kept
looking straight, looking at only today,
because the day would soon come when you would leave,
and so we held ourselves closer, and watched all the birds
make nests in the sky we were headed towards.

(june)
We dressed up in joy, we looked our best,
The thoughts of the next night never took over,
The night I whispered our song while tasting your tears,
And when I left, I dared to look back
To see the girl I would miss every day,
Flying away.

(july)
The summer was starving, so I fed it words.
Letters, remembering, celebrating, wishing, loathing,
Loving, more and more every day you
Baked under the Spanish Sun and
Curled under the London Rain.
But I looked to the day you would come back to me,
And tackle me into the fresh summer grass, so tenderly.

(august)
You were perfect that day,
You were perfect that day
When your skin burned, and smiles flooded the attic.
Then you reset the password and gave this love cancer,
Plaguing this blessing, throwing me into the dark—
left to wander in the cruel, summer night,
And all I could do was crawl towards the light.

(september)
The light nearly blinded me, though,
as I began boarding that familiar bus—
surrounded by people who knew, who judged,
who saw my evolution and destruction.
The plague found you, and I couldn't help
but give ya shelter from the storm, and sang
that despite your uncontrollable crime,
I would hold you for the longest time.

(october)
The song had come too soon.
We were out of time, out of control,
I was out of oxygen, turning blue
while you sat and exhaled.
And though I could not remove myself from
the middle of the street, I was helped to my feet,
and I walked away, muttering
I'd never again sing that song,
while hoping I was wrong.

(november)
I heard a voice like a blanket
that stopped the shivering of my heart,
and it filled all the space between sunset and sunrise.
I thought everything could be the same,
I thought she would be close,
but no one will ever be the same— I was blind,
following the memories of the past,
which I were truly thankful for, at last.

(december)
The ashes of the letters are falling,
reminding me of how far I've come,
how much I've learned and stood up to.
But there's a time for learning,
and a time to dream, and so I dreamt,
and knew exactly where to go,
because I am always exactly where I'm supposed to be.
The heart only breaks once, for god's sake,
and for that reason alone, we will never truly break.

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