The Guide to Getting Away From Where We Are Now

For Brad Liening, without whom this would not exist.

1
First, realize that this is not where you want to be. It's too hot out, the world has you by the throat, your endless possibilities are suddenly sprouting endings – as you like. No, this is not where you want to be at all.

2
Then, take the bus. It's always been so reliable and I hear it's air-conditioned in the summer. It'll take you where you wish to go.

3
Now that you're on the bus, realize how hopeless this all is. The Man behind Metro Transit is in cahoots with The Man behind Education: there's no place you can run! Punch a scaly fat woman for smelling too loudly, and, thanking the driver for falling asleep behind the wheel, step off the bus.

4
"There's no place like home!"
"There's no place like home!"
"There's no place like home!"

5
Once you realize you don’t have any signal, face the Eastern cityscape and run back to where you came from; run hopelessly through the rain that your clouded mind has conjured, passing every landmark and memory you envision, and attempt to jump over even the smallest of puddles.

6
Remember taking pictures here under the sun-tipped cathedral?

7
Ask wary strangers for change. They will have none to give you.

8
Dig out your phone, vibrating.
“You sent that text three times.
I thought we agreed we weren’t going to do this anymore.”

9
Stick your free hand into the mouth of the fountain, and while your body might be stuck in the Forever-Now, your weightless hand is floating somewhere far off, down a wishful stream, drinking in the careless sunlight of the West.