Stalk the one you think you love, follow her on Twitter, follow her in your dreams; take your shirt off in unnecessary circumstances and pretend to flex; be jealous of her postman, her waiter, her parking officer, anyone who might be closer to her at any given time than you are; kill small mammals in the backyard and use their intestines as drippy christmas lights; write inaccurate & shitty poetry that rhymes but act like it's bigger than Jesus, bigger than the Beatles; do what you enjoy and only what you enjoy – and you're sure to never be kissed.
Girls:
Your job is much simpler: Put some clothes on.
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