My father saw me and wept
He gave me life and an age-old glass
And a promise he knew I’d forget.
The room turned wide and green
My burdens laughed and left
I crashed into a spineless sea
My fears were cold and bereft.
A single door pushed forth to unleash
A vibrant wave of song
The music burned above the din
The night grew young and long.
I kissed the hill of a shadow’s cheek
I knew no guilt or calm
The golden lights flashed a moment’s truth
I felt the floor with my palms.
I took a mirror to my rotting teeth
A hungry child on a swing
And when the walls offered no return
The swing lurched forth into spring.
The moon swayed me like a tide
I took a breath at your shore
And felt the bones of a blazing hand
One I could never ignore.
The force of love rocked me clean
Two children shook and shoved
You must accept my apology
If I failed to make you feel loved.
The eyes of lamps blinked and waned
The carpet knew no crimes
I drank communion from a bowl
Just to hold you one more time.
I took my voice and cast it off
Into the grave of sounds
The tomb screamed back just like the wind
But there was no one around.
I fell into a shallow well
My dreams were bright as ice
I woke to find you sweet as sleep
And even truer than life.
Holy shit, the rhyme scheme in this is phenomenal! Well placed, all of them, and such stunning imagery in this poem. A few suggestions though - (And Kaleb, do tell me if my suggestions are unwanted or conceited or what have you, I am only attempting to offer constructive feedback, know that I still love your poetry anyway)
ReplyDelete"The night grew young and long." Maybe this should be young, but long? young and long don't seem to work together for me, I don't equate the two. The reference to the hungry child on a swing after the rotting teeth came abruptly and I didn't see the connection.
The moon swayed me like a tide
I took a breath at your shore
And felt the bones of a blazing hand
One I could never ignore. - this stanza is beautiful. I love the connection of moon and tide, the poetic form and alliteration in "bones of a blazing hand" with the o of "ignore" ahhhh love it!
The last stanza is my next favorite, absolutely beautiful and with stunning simplicity. I dig it! This poem is great!