YOU SUCK

can i write this can i
can i shred our kiss can
this poem start any worse
can you stop fixing it can
all the brown glop of the
shit-eating world come out
the other end can i stop
being your friend can i
move like a centipede
munching on all its legs
can i refuse service can
i service between your legs
can i curl up and sigh can
my trope come unknotted
can i shake this curling
lip can i go smoke can i
drop hints over what
silences me what sharpens
my eyes into jagged
cameras clicking click
click click can i do
what's best for myself
without hurting anyone
else can i divorce
slam a turn signal
withdraw separate
is there some way
to be rid of you
without being a dick

something that lasts when all else goes

you hover
over my should
er drip
ping mint, mist
of after
noon cloud
ing win
dows, from
the rig
ht you seem
to be
no less lighter,
you seem
to me
water
proof, foul
in your
slickness,
set in
your mig
rations,
iridescent
at cert
ain angles,
a com
pany heroine,
aflight risk
ing all,
sweet-breathed
specter over
my should
er, wander
er.

serene shopping excursion

a light drizzle
softens the pavement
as i climb into the car
my feelings chamber
and drive down the way
i used to walk to work
back when things like
cars and battle cups
were the trophies
of my dreams it seems
like all of my desires
are well and alive
and well-funded
my bud-tender Geo
offered up some
Lemon Skunk
as the dank catalyst
for my insatiable tryst
with lamp-burning
turning my gray-sky
day into the prelude
of a river red night

Stunlock

i need you forever

tapeworm promise
inching its way
through my ear

your laugh
crinkling loudly
through the phone

i don't even
know what to
feel the adrenaline
of my nine hour
contortion of
a day still
constricting
my breath flow

i don't even know
where these thoughts
are supposed to go

i need you forever

have you any
self-awareness?

does it strike you
that those words
incarcerate me
behind hope-poles
of useless, definitely
worthless imaginings?

imagine you inspected
your sentence before
sentencing me

i need you forever

i need someone
who means it

and i want you
anyway

another poem

it's not so much
that i'm getting
tired of writing
poems

it's more
that i'm tired
of holding space
for words that
have questionable
purpose

it's less
that i'm fresh
out of ideas

it's that
every full sound
and sight to me
is a lovely poem
that doesn't need
to be written down

and this
lately
has been
my reckoning

sudden reversal

of a
shoulder
shrugging
decision
still lets
me in
on the
direction
all wily
poles
point
toward
i may
be outta
here
thank
god
i may
not
have to
stay
anywhere
near
you

red-eyed cyclorama

holding back
the wash of a
yellow-teal
morning

to abate
the drudge
and sludge
of the following
work-day

hollowed-out
hours stuffed
with no-good
pins and presses

no face
for me to chase
or voice
for me to savor

just the crunch
of gravel underfoot
and the pixie cry
in my ear

what's it like to be here?

before long
the day's song gives up
and the sultry drone
of night
wraps me in mistakes

snap

and in
that moment
of buzzing

music roared
over the coarse
rage of my
voice

i felt
like an imperial
asshole

like a
capable baby

like ten
thousand dicks

for what reason
did i lose myself
so abruptly
in the torrential
scream of
attitudes

i am so close
to reawakening
what's worst
in me

possibly
it's already
happening

it's not a matter
of keeping
anything
to myself

it's a matter
of posture
and presentation

i need space

one monstrous toothache at a time

playing Jenga

with myself

god I hate that the word Jenga

shares its first three letters with

you coming back soon

you making me feel awful again

soon i'm contorting my face

to suppress its distress

playing Jenga with myself

pulling bricks out from the bottom

wobbling to and fro in my bed

and hardly anyone knows

the what of me or the how of me

especially the watchman of these hands

it's all so close to my face

i can hardly see what's going on

but the changes the changes the changes

got a saliva & mind of their own

keeping me in my cocoon-bed

till my chrysalis has had enough of this

and i'll flash a smile at you

so bright you forget where you are

Quit You

Last night
I blew smoke
up my ass
and threw
the pack
in the drawer.
Forget
whatever
asinine
plot these
murderers
intended
to help me
with. God
dammit
I will not
let some
Midwestern
girl be
the death
of me.
If I fade
into an
obscure
joke,
fine. At least
I will be
able to laugh
when I am

too old
to fuck.

Trust On

Day of daydreaming nears
its waking, saying well,
at least this time no glass
was shattered, a fragile
insight dissolving under
scrutiny. Rain, please. 
Televangelize the trees
into believing one good
seed is all that separates 
the sky from the earth. 
Colossal misty outlines
make me believe in a life
after you. That we got here,
that delusion deepened so, 
to frame figments of 
desire’s theater as 
doorways, rests on my 
workbound wrists.
A slew of words adds
another room to crumbling
cottage where you cook
breakfast not because we
were hungry but because 
there’s no better way to say 
you care. The floor
is rain-mud: I might
be going mad. Being wrong
about it all after all does
that. That human inefficacy.
We released you.  Blush, 
if you must. Your grip loosens, 
blossoms days pocked with weeds,
and though it rots, sucks, hurts 
like a hangnail to rip
apart, I must stand over
my heart with an umbrella. 

Someone

Before,
catching a scowl
in the mirror
brought quick
correction, a gentle
fix, a beam,
a gliding smile,
for in that mirror
I saw someone
you could love.

Now
I pass the mirror
glowering,
and lower my eyes
to avoid reproach,
seething with bitter
loathing, a wretch,
a fool every inch
through,
for in that mirror
I see someone
who will never
be good to you.

Last Dance

at a standstill i still poke my head around
corners hoping to see the light of your eyes
touching the walls craning my neck to glimpse
scales of chrome burning blueprints of a hopeful
home i regret letting this fester as long as i have
it takes two to make a team
but my dream where you left me at the altar
hovers behind like a know-it-all shadow
this is my letting go of it this is my sport
sweating and shoving with husks of worship
bludgeoning pop-up thoughts of you in the dark
forgot how you operate let down my defenses
with glee ripped my skin into confetti preemptively
celebrating empty rings and permanent flings
how many suckers have you got stuck standing
at attention how many flies do you let taste
your blood how much do you believe your own
sweet-sounding lies where do you expect
me to be found once it all closes in
was i spellbound into believing it could all go
back to the way it was before tell me tell me
que sabes de amor? biting my tongue
releases my poems from your chest
and touching myself protects the rest of them
from your eyes oh god your sea-stone eyes
i would have kissed them whenever the sun
rises or sets but the sky is black as ink
and babe you missed your chance

no gusto hablando

all day
i think
dramatic
thoughts
in spanish

mi mente
es lleno
con 
pensimentos
de la cara
de mi amor

and i scowl
at these words
i would not
dare speak
in english

el sueño
de mi corazon
esta muerto

i don't know
how else
to face it

i don't know
how to speak
the language
of my devastation

estoy terminado

done

never again

no mas esperanza

no mas miente

next time
i see you
i won't
have anything
to say

Leave Me At The Altar

Nowhere around,
I poke through
the gift table, ripping
holes in paper, seeing
if there was anything
you might have liked.
Grandma looks nervous.
The band plays our song,
bastards. The mirrors
on the wall crackle like
embers. Blown up
billboard-style, our
pretty faces look so happy
to be in the center
for once. In the hall,
the next generation
of cousins are having
a blast, telling secrets.
Only I can guess
where you are.
In bed, or never
to be seen again.
If you are at home
I will bring us soft
sugar-coated pretzels,
and if you are gone
I will eat them all
myself, wondering.

heartbreak

by now
am convinced
of its width,
of its breadth,
of all the rest
of our embedded
fears stuck
in our skin,
sharp
though nearly
unnoticeable,
reddened,
extended,
over did it
again, done
inspecting
the fissures,
finished
expecting
a sharp turn
in trajectory,
conceded,
relieved of
eventual
letdown in
favor of a
preemptive
rip, an alpha
tear, some
omega fear
needles
its way back
from under
our skin,
that no one
will love
us for
what we're
worth,
that no one
can love
us for all
the ways
we break.

bug

on my way
back
from newly
finished
grocery
store with
my trip's
impetus
stashed
between
my fingers
saw a
bug
on its back
weedling
to and fro
walked
right past
it
before
turning
around
to
pinch
the tip
of its leg
to flip
its body
back over
and i thought of jack collom

hero

when you said
you're my hero
did you know
i turned red

when you smile
at guests
you beguile
my aching chest

when you leave
me without a clue
i can hardly believe
my luck to know you

Remembering

Reading in bed,
thinking hard
of all the ways
I would treat
you well.

Remembering
your lips,

a sweet-tasting hell.

sleeping with myself

another night in

binging swirls

of technicolor

please oh
lady of luck

deliver a

peculiar

flux of

spectacle

or beaded

curtain of

candy

tell your vision

fuff to soft

focus tricks

untrained eye

fixates on

unsanctioned

advances of

the restless
mind

hope you don't
mind me sleeping
with myself

upsets

somewhere in the thick
fog waits an impossible
finish an ecstatic fall
of the throne i wake up
alone and curse the
trance that throws out
my body in pursuit
of empty victory

time to play the game
of be here by then
and when i have made
it back home
hopefully i will take
my sighs in stride
and for a little while
slide into warmer
waters

cause we all falter
and we all fix crooked
frames and despite
smiling as the flames
lick my flesh yellow
i'm a gratification engine
someday we'll try again
someday we'll know
how it feels
to let the upsets go

wantonly

the
word
wantonly

doesn't
sound
like

fried
dumpling
treats

it
is
a

word
out
of

a
book
you

want
only
attention

Perfect Journeys

Over track-water
rivers makes our
perfect journey,
from up close
a limp looks
a lot like love.
Baby rabbits
and birds flap
against the wind.
Send a report
of sunlight once
the moon has
shed its lumps.
My dear you
are so song-
worthy, as
a pearl pulls
notes from
the depths,

as a nest

full of birds
dreaming of
flight. Though 

I long 

to sing these
words undying,
the calendar
corrals me
home.

does it look liek i'm lonely

did ya think i was waiting?
what's an afternoon for
forgetting

eggs and coffee
for me, for me

talkin myself up

workin thru the work

nobody bother

no body no other

maybe
you thought of
me today

holdin my breath
used to be my game
but now

no one's playin

I Know The Score

Who wakes up shaking
thoughts of touching
your face and who drinks
their coffee in the sun? Some
day we'll switch places. If
peace is what you're after we
can't help ourselves. If fire
tasted like your tongue
I would hold it
down until it turned the walls
of my belly black.
Don't look at me.
It's taken this long
to hear, at last, within
the sparks, your
lower octave.
What won't boil up, or
spare me from the rubble.
Your invitation folds
into a paper airplane
without any wings.
Nightmares of hurting
the ones who hurt you
bruise my neck turning
water on the nightstand
into sand. I can't think
on this incline. Wrecked
my shoulders straightening
to catch my age. Please
don't say again what you
think of me. It runs out
the clock. Our time spent
looking for the perfect CD
was an anomaly. We never
found it. I am tempted
to finish with metaphoric
flourish, to draw a line,
to make perfect music
from our missing teeth.
But imagining an image
beats the breath out of me.
And those who think
themselves yours
have it worse,
because they are bound
to lose you.

how to not cry

i know the score

that it's bent
fixed
set in stone

i know that you have some knowledge of my condition

i know it's not pretty

what you see and what you choose not to see

what you whisper with your fingertips

i know what distance must decide

how is it that no matter what i do i continue to fall

how is it bottomless

how can i less

where is a spot where i can let some of it out

stiffen that lower lip kid

they don't need to see tears to take you serious

your eyes give you away

desolate again

i have no more use for the word-lie destiny

destination's all a joke

que sabes de amor?

i know i am one you don't need

i know there's no room for me

i know the score

so why

so why

so why

do i still cry

TREASURE HUNT

oh what a treasure hunt!

life is. sack of batteries. 

dripping battery juice. 

pooling news. droops

tents and hammocks

when the sun deteriorates
our knack for spelling

deteriorates. like an exterior

on its way out. or an inferior

state of transit. going going

once, then never again. shame.

oh my handy dandy materials!
i would be half the man 

without their paper-cuts.
crinkled & pimpled my back
unfolds. what gives
samples has some nefarious

scheme in mind to treat you

kindly. god the marketing!

and the markings! like BIRDS

your plumage tickled my 

sightlines and plummeted 

freak-focus into frayed dismay!

nah it's not so bad. i've just learned
to sound serious. learning. 

heaving. busy being beautiful

damn you dithering hope

we were done
with your teal-
colored orbs
of delight
but the way
of it had
some other
cosmos in
mind i don't
really mind
but it's a numbing
sort of navigating
placing its thumb
at the corner
of the page for
later relinquishing
envy though it
swarms me like
sunlight feeling
warm and exhausted
from the shock
of being back
on my feet
i climb back into bed
and feel a ghost
slide in next to me
tracing most of
my body with its
ghostfingers
why do these sheets
feel so empty

squishing the thing

on a hot windy walk

home nearly half a day

passed since my rise

ripping out my nosehairs

like plucking petals

she loves me

she loves me snot

wet gunk in the eyes

and pads of sweat

beneath the arms 

the lip swamps

in the shoes 

how good it was 

to see you 

spells/smells

trouble

but i'm managing

decking the tip

of my tongue 

with words of

resignation

decking 

my claustrophobia

with desire

for the great

sweaty outdoors

until that is a fly

or at least

a fearless relative

of the fly

followed me 

for too long

and because it

bothered me

this being the only

thing that bothers me

within my control

i went to squish it

but missed it

but fuck i wanted

to kill that fly

wanted to flush

that experience

down the cosmic

drain wanted just

one clear victory

over all 

that buzzes
or stings

Jack

Jingle Jangle!
All this time we were
Children and now the
Kind Alpha Wolf of Poets

Carries our sound
Over into
Lost Verandas
Lulling us into dawn's
O in the Jingle Jangle
Morning I'll follow you

manticore encore

tail like silk

mane like mercury

a cutting edge roar

bounds over counter

clasps ears with 

slippery palms

an anvil eye

unblistered sky

nobody saw 

summer's denizen

how then

does a blood-

hound 

follow ghosts

into thick

crescents of 

trees

ah
delirium

the morning

breaks 

on its knees